Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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