its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
