$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
