im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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