I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
