Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So squirting runs in the family.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
