Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
