There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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