We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
