hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
