Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
