There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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