Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
