im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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