Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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