why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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