I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
