Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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