Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
