I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was CRYING into my vagina
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
this hospital has no fireball
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
