I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
