I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You are a genius and a whore.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
