You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
