Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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