it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
