youre lurking in front of me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Barsexuality is the new black.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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