hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
