Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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