I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
