I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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