She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
