I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
