Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
