Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
