I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
