Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
