In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm both gender and math confused
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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