he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
