somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
