I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
