It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
