I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
