I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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