you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
