I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
