dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
