Already got asked if we're dating
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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