Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
