I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
