guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
