I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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