the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
