I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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