They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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