last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
