A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
sex in a hospital.. check
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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