sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
