Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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