cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
